Well i guess happy new year to me… the always say new year, new me…i dont what to say about that.. so my last post was not the best of me! i do try to ask myself what was i thinking when i accepted that! i never loved him or thought of him in that way… but maybe once but i knew it will never work out! I know for sure i lied to myself!i have not seen him for 3 weeks and school is starting tmr so i dont know how it is gonna be like..speaking of school have been looking forward to it but not the ppl.. i dont know but i just feel like i am someone that ppl can forget me so easily am i all that? i just feel like i dont deserve this shit so fuck it.. you want to be nice i be nice…
Ryan on the other hand i cant understand him!i am just wondering what is happening to me cause i was so not into anyone and i dont know what is going on with me anymore!3 weeks hols and on the first week i went to recipes with my hopes high but fuck it rite now! and i spent new year at Malaysia.. and the 2 and 3 week it is just shitty.. oh i went to uss with scott and his mom it was fun.. sometimes i just want to be alone.. is it even possible? well schools starting tmr and all the best to me and i am gonna join dragon boat classes on sat. :) hoping that this year is gonna be a good one:)
Loving this date was not expecting this but i am like on with Samuel….trying to absorb it…JUST CANT GET ENOUGH!
it really bugs me when the drama could be more impt to my mom then my life!i tell her that everybody in my class thinks that i am the leader to the cold kitchen and she is like why? serious thinking about it aint you suppose to be help that your daughter is like leader… i really got nothing to say.. i love my mom but she pisses me off at times!!i just hate fighting/ arguing with her but all i ask is for a listening ear!
so thinking and i realized that i can be really naggy and annoying and i dont know how i am going to fine a guy…
feeling really shitty!
currently living a life where i am trying to find a life.. i know i dont make any sense but ya.. i have been talking with no meaning to my words…i have been like mixing my words up.. i have got no idea why but ya..
my sis is back for her 2mths attachment.. and i feel that the bond between my sisters and i have not gotten this much stronger:) i am treasuring what i am having rite now:)
i am so glad with the fact that i have got two great parents who support me no matter what happens! even if it costs hell lots of money! i will love them even if they annoy me so fucking badly at times!
ketyka is gonna come on tuesday cant wait to see her:) so excited! missed her like hell lots!!!even if she is not much of a listening ear her presents is all i need to make me feel good:)love her lots:)
tmr is the start of my term 3!will be at recipes my school rest. working there for free! so any way it is gonna be a start to my experience in a actual kitchen:) excited but scared at the same time:)hehe:)i am gonna give my best:)
so it has been about 22 days since i last posted anything here but after the incident things have changed i guess not for the best but also not for the worse..things have been alright and it is all part and pieces of life.. he called me and texted me once and that was about it… nothing.. i have got to realize and come to my senses that he was just making use of me.. as for my school mates ryan thought i was a les.! i cant believe it a handful of them thought i was a les. just because i dont talk about guys.. maybe it is just that i talk to a couple of ppl about my life i dont annouce it to everybody! the world is just a weird place to be in..
Coming straight to the point, i lost my first kiss to a douche bag! i really have got no idea how it started or whatever one moment we were freaking close and the next he was trying to kiss and the next moment i was all over him.. i mean it is tarun and i am super over him and not interested in him i know that he is not my cup of tea.. everything when out of hand… and rite now i am feeling really shitty about myself..i was suppose to be more mature and in control of myself. and i have got idea why did i agree to go another date with him and believe his words and.. argh!!i am just so annoyed and disappointed with myself!i have never in my life thought of losing my first kiss to such a person and in that position… i am speechless of myself and i gotta end what i started to…